How to get help when you don’t know how to ask for help
Have you ever been in a circumstance where you want support with something, but you don't know what kind of help you need or what that would look like?
Or you're worried that even if you do get help, that it won't actually be supportive or help you solve whatever problem you're facing?
Or that you will get support, but that you’ll still have trouble following through even with that help?
Sometimes my clients and I have a similar problem: we think that we either have to figure it all out on our own (with 0% help) or we have to make a huge commitment of money, time, or both to get the help we need (with 100% help).
We may also be up against an underlying belief that asking for help means you failed, that there's something wrong with you or the way that you're doing something.
And just to be clear, asking for help doesn’t mean you're failing. In fact, you are doing incredibly well by asking for support and leaning on folks for help.
When are you “ready” for help?
Sometimes folks reach out to us at Colorful Futures, and they know that they want support with something, but they're not exactly sure what. They might not know where they're going, but they know at the very least that they can't do it alone.
They might think that they need to be at a certain level of readiness for coaching, whatever that means to them.
When you are overwhelmed, when you're struggling to complete something, or when you are having a hard time working through a process, it can feel impossible. It can feel like another task to worry about, to even research and look into what support might look like, or figure out what kind of support you need.
And then add on decision fatigue where you're presented with a bunch of options, and you don't know which one to pick, and now you're comparing all these things and weighing the pros and cons, or the features of everything, or what makes the most sense, what would be worth the investment of money or time or resources.
And then all of the other things are weighing on that too, like…
is this going to help?
am I gonna be able to follow through?
is this gonna be worth it?
And then we just get stuck because now we have spent this energy on researching all these options, only to still have the same problem. We still don't really know what's going to be supportive, and the longer we commit to the research portion, the more “perfect” we hope the solution is to justify all the effort we’ve put in.
This way lies madness, friends. I can get stuck in this spiral for days or even weeks before realizing I just need to make a freakin’ decision and commit to it.
What if you don’t have to have it all figured out?
At Colorful Futures, when we have folks who are considering working with us, especially one-on-one, we do a free vibe check. It's a 15-30 minute call that allows one of our career coaches to meet with you, have a conversation, and see what might be most supportive for you.
It’s our job as coaches to look at the objective view of what you're going through, what you're experiencing, and look at what our support options are, and what might make the most sense for your circumstances.
I really love vibe checks from a decision-making standpoint, because it reduces the amount of research and decision-making that you do as the client. All you have to do is show up, talk about what you're going through, and we share how we can help you.
I’d like to tell you about two clients’ vibe checks: we’ll call them Katie and April.
Katie was working full-time. She was really overwhelmed by looking for a new job. And then on top of everything else, just with day-to-day life, everything was feeling really overwhelming.
She really wanted help, but she was worried about the time investment and the budget and what all of that would look like. She even said to me that she knew there were things in theory that she could do herself in the job search. So that made it hard to justify spending money on this type of help.
But what we identified in the vibe check was that even though these were things that she could do, her circumstances of working full-time, having a very busy and draining work situation, and then day-to-day personal life, made it so that she didn't really have the capacity to job search even though she knew what to do.
Our conversation helped her realize that she didn't need long-term support. She needed a bit of a tune-up, a couple of sessions to get expert advice, and to get that head start.
For Katie, it was a relief that she could get the support she needed without committing to a long-term plan.
During the vibe check, we learned that she was motivated to make changes, and in some ways, she did know what steps to take and how to take them. She just needed help in a specific part of the process to make sure her efforts were as effective as possible. And she ended up signing up for our mini pack, which is three consecutive weekly sessions.
April, on the other hand, was kind of stuck between needing a job now and having the desire to build a business so she could be self-employed.
She was stuck between the question of, do I need coaching on how to better prep for interviews for the jobs that I'm applying for? Or do I need to change my plan altogether and focus on building a business?
In our vibe check, we realized what she really needed was someone to walk the path with her, instead of just getting tips, actions, and things she could implement right away. She wanted long-term support so she could navigate a potential career pivot while also leaving space for job search support as needed.
The three-month program was ideal for April, and we started the foundation of a job search so that employment could remain an option. We also worked on getting her business set up, as well.
Help isn’t all or nothing
The truth is, we all need guidance and support at some point in our lives, especially when there's something that we really desire, but there’s some mental and emotional resistance.
It can be very helpful to have someone who isn't emotionally invested in your job (not that we don’t care… we’re emotionally invested in you) help you navigate the feelings of being stuck between a rock and a hard place.
As coaches, we have an objective view, because we're not in it with you. We get to have a fresh take and zoom out, to use our experience to guide you through it and keep you motivated throughout the journey.
Support doesn't have to be all or nothing.
Give yourself permission to meet yourself where you’re at.
You don't have to be “ready” for coaching. Sometimes coaching helps you get ready. It's okay to start with what feels manageable right now. And then support can be scaled to match your capacity and your needs.
If you see yourself in any of the following examples, the package mentioned might be a great next step for you.
You might be ready for self-paced or DIY resources like our workshops if…
you have time and energy to work through things methodically on your own
you learn well from video trainings and structured resources
you prefer to move at your own pace
you want access to proven strategies but you don’t need personalized guidance right now
you’re not in a rush and you don’t mind implementing strategies over time
You might be ready for an intensive or single coaching session if…
you have one specific or urgent need (such as a resume review, interview prep, or getting support for a business idea)
you are pretty clear on your direction and want a bit of expert advice to make your next steps as impactful as possible
you just need someone to look at your stuff and say “here’s what to fix”
you are self-motivated and you want quick, actionable feedback you can implement immediately
You might benefit from a mini pack if…
you have a few interconnected goals (resume, LinkedIn, interview tips)
you want accountability and some level of check-in, but not a long-term commitment
you are willing to do homework between sessions
you know roughly what you want, but you need guidance on the “how”
You might be best served by the three-month program if…
you feel lost or stuck and want to explore deeper to figure out your next steps
you want someone walking the path with you through the entire process
you might be building something new or changing careers and want sustained guidance
you have capacity for ongoing work and regular check-ins
Does coaching replace therapy?
Coaching isn’t a replacement for therapy—we’re not clinicians, and we can’t diagnose any mental health issues. But we are experienced in working with neuroqueer clients, and our entire team is neurodivergent ourselves. Lately, we’ve been getting a lot of referrals from therapists recommending that their clients add coaching to their program as well, which is amazing.
Therapy is often the perfect complement to coaching work. Careers can bring up a lot of baggage and trauma and history that impact how you navigate your job search and how you navigate your career—especially for multiply marginalized people.
So, as a coach, the way I can support you in your therapy journey is to keep you accountable and to help you bring topics to your therapist. The coaches at Colorful Futures can help you with the forward movement, the goal setting, the actions and steps to work towards your goals and desires. As we work on career stuff, you will very likely experience reminders of deeper experiences from your past that you can take to your therapist and explore. Both experts help you in different ways.
Taking action on your next step
Start with what feels accessible, then build from there.
It's not about finding the perfect option, it's about finding what can work for you right now, or just finding something that is some level of support for you right now. And then moving forward, you can always add on.
To get clear on the support you need, ask yourself:
what is the smallest step that would feel helpful right now?
do you want someone telling you what to do or do you wanna figure it out with a little bit of guidance?
how much handholding versus independence do you need and desire?
what is your capacity for doing some work on your own, like homework between sessions or implementing things between sessions?
are you looking for some quick fixes or sustainable long-term changes or evolutions?
do you learn better and implement better when you have accountability, or when you're self-directed and doing things on your own?
and most importantly, what can you realistically commit to right now?
And if you go through all of that and you're still not sure, that's where the vibe checks really help. You’ll get to talk with one of our coaches, we get to learn all about where you are, and provide our suggestions for what might be most supportive for your capacity right now.
You can book a vibe check with Liora or Caitlin here.