Identifying Your Feelings When It Comes To Job Rejection
Written by Nicole
There are certain things in the job search, just like in life, that are guaranteed. Excitement, nervousness, joy, sadness.
And, of course - rejection. Oooof. Quite frankly, even reading “rejection” in this context triggers that oh-so-familiar feeling of the dreaded stomach-drop.
That feeling can also be intensely magnified for us queer and neurodivergent folks because of something that a lot of us experience - rejection-sensitive dysphoria. For those of you who are unfamiliar, rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is, “a pattern of strong reactions to rejection and criticism”. While still not fully understood by the scientific community, RSD is very common among us neurodivergent folks. There is also plenty of discussion on how growing up queer and experiencing a lot of rejection can inform our experiences in the world.
Lots of heavy stuff to unpack up there so I’m just gonna check in with you right now - you all good?
Good. Take a deep breath and grab a sip from one of your 3 emotional support beverages before we keep going.
Now - back to the job search.
Maybe you find out that you didn’t make it to the next interview round. Perhaps it was between you and another candidate and they decided to go with another candidate. Or mayhaps you submitted your 237th job application and you get an immediate templated response saying that you do not meet their qualifications.
Let’s put a name to some of the things you might be feeling right now.
“I’m not smart enough to be applying for these jobs.”
This, my friends, is your imposter syndrome talking! There is good evidence to support that neurodivergent folks may experience imposter syndrome differently than their neurotypical counterparts.
The negative self-talk that comes up as a result of feeling like you do not belong can really bring you down. Like, for real. Tell yourself that you are a fraud enough times, and you’ll probably start to believe it.
Dealing with these feelings is easier said than done, I’m afraid. One small thing that can help make these feelings a little less loud is every time you tell yourself that you are not [fill in the blank] enough - tell yourself one reason why you are enough. Introduce some positive self-talk into your brain! It may not feel like much now, but I promise it will help you the next time a hiring manager comes a-knockin’.
“I should be doing more.”
Look me dead in the eye (like, metaphorically) as I tell you this - don’t be so hard on yourself! There could be a few feelings coming up when you’re being tough on yourself - fear, anxiety, perfectionism or maybe a secret 4th thing.
Remind yourself that rejection is one part of the process. Believe me, there will be more opportunities. There will be more interviews. You are doing enough. Give yourself a little grace, my fuzzy little peach kitten 💗
“They don’t think I’m good enough.”
I’m going to tell it to you straight - it’s not you, it’s them! The hiring process is not personal. It may feel personal when you’re staring down the barrel of a rejection message with your name on it. As applicants, we have astonishing little insight as to what goes into deciding on who gets hired and why.
I’m not here to tell you how to feel, of course - but isn’t it kind of groundbreaking to know that this probably has very little to do with you?
We’ve named ‘em - what do we with ‘em?”
Two things: write them down and talk them out with someone. It can really be as simple as that. Like Shrek says, “Better out than in, I always say”. At the end of the day, these are feelings and as every single one of your therapists has assured you: feelings are not facts!
Remember, this is a very normal part of the job search. It may be hella uncomfortable, but know that you are not alone.
If you want to find other folks who are also coming up against these experiences, you’re in the right place! Check out our career coaching programs if you feel like you might want a helping hand through the process. Also, our Claim Your Career cohort is a great place to find a community of people who are actively on this journey. We’d love to see you there.
In the meantime - hang in there, baby.
