Transitioning in a Public-Facing Job

My mother always called me her late bloomer. I never took offense; the description was apt. I was a cautious child who always looked before I leapt, that learned how to ride a bike only after the humiliation of my younger brother learning first (spite motivates us all, sometimes, even seven year old me). At forty-one, I started hormone replacement therapy and began my transition from female to male publicly. Three years later, I am thriving in both my personal and professional life.

I am a public librarian of nearly twenty years (where did the time go, I wonder every day), specializing in youth services. This is a very public-facing job, and the fact that I work with children in our current landscape means I had to tread very carefully as I transitioned in the public eye. I learned a lot as I went, and I’m eager to share those lessons with you today.

Practical tips for your changing your name at work

First, a practical bit of advice: Make a list of everywhere your name appears. Work with your management to determine what can be changed and what cannot if your legal name is not yet updated. For example, I could change my name on internal documents like a schedule, but could not on items like a performance review as that had to have my legal name.

I was quite lucky, as our administrative assistant at work is a beast when it comes to word searches and puzzles. She loved finding my deadname in places I didn’t even think to look. Seeing a coworker work so diligently on the hunt made me hopeful that my transition would be smooth—at least on paper.

Note: you may need to work with your management team on policies like what name can appear on a badge. Always advocate for your safety and point out any discrepancies with facts like ‘you let Robert put Bob on his name tag and that’s not his legal name.’ You are your best advocate in this situation. Speak up!

Celebrate Name Day!

Once you know where to change your name, pick a day and celebrate that day. Tell your coworkers that you’ll be going by your new name (and maybe pronouns) starting on X date. Update all those places you listed on that date. Get a new badge.

If you can, bring in some goodies to work to make the day a celebration. I remember walking in, nervous about the day, dressed up in suspenders and a button-down shirt (my aesthetic is somewhere between "befuddled college professor" and "children's librarian who owns too many cardigans”).

I was greeted by a coworker with a handmade card featuring a doodle of me announcing it was ‘Izzy Day.’ I can't quite express the relief that washed over me at that moment. I knew from my first step in the door that day that I would be embraced by my coworkers. I still keep that card at my cubicle as a reminder of how awesome they are.

Communicating with coworkers

Remember that your coworkers' buy-in will matter greatly in terms of how the public will react to your name change and transition. Enthusiastic coworkers will help you thrive in your new gender, so always embrace those that show you kindness in these moments. You’ll need them as you move forward in your transition.

I’m very lucky to have the coworkers I do, who never deadname me and rarely use the wrong pronouns. When they do, they often correct themselves before I even process that they used "she" when referring to me. I always say "thank you" to a self-correction. That's behavior I want to encourage. Nobody is perfect, but the effort to self-correct is seen and appreciated. I remember a patron asking for "the lady who runs storytime." Before I could respond, a coworker smiled and said, "Do you mean Izzy? He's right over there." It was a tiny interaction, but it told me that my coworkers had my back even when I wasn't advocating for myself.

You control how much is said about your transition. You decide how much to tell your coworkers and customers. You also control the tone. If your message is shared with excitement and confidence, it is more likely to be received that way. But you don’t have to be an open book, nor should you answer questions about your body or mental health in relation to your transition if you find them too invasive.

Prepare for questions in advance

During this time, scripts are your friend. Find out from management what, if anything, you are allowed to say if someone misgenders you. Know if that changes depending on who you’re speaking to—what can you say to a customer versus what can you say to a coworker who misgenders you, for example.

If you have simple phrases ready to go, like ‘I go by ___ now,’ or ‘I use he/him pronouns,’ in your back pocket, you’ll be able to pull them out even when you’re flustered by being misgendered. Early in my transition, I would freeze when someone misgendered me. Having a few practiced phrases ready meant I didn't have to think of the perfect response in the moment.

Sometimes, when people find out you're trans, they like to ask really invasive questions. If someone is focused on your gender transition and you don’t wish to speak with them, or you’re unable due to the nature of the relationship, a simple ‘I’m here to help you (insert thing here), not talk about myself,’ can do wonders to refocus an interaction. Know what you can say, and say it consistently to the applicable people.

For example, I knew patrons and coworkers would definitely notice the difference after I had top surgery. Coworkers especially knew, as they’d be the ones to fill in while I was at home recovering, so I was an open book about the procedure I was having to them. They collected money for me, sent me a card, and some even participated in the meal train that helped feed me and my caretakers in those early days after surgery. So far, my patrons haven’t brought up the obvious change—but I have my script for when the inevitable happens.

Find community

Finally, find community—especially one filled with other trans people who have gone through what you are going through. Often, affiliation groups are a great way to find mentors. I felt quite empowered, sitting in a room full of other LGBT+ librarians, knowing some in the crowd faced the same challenges as me and survived. I remember looking around the room and realizing I wasn't the only person trying to navigate visibility, public service, and authenticity all at once.

For the first time, I wasn't imagining a path forward—I was looking at people already walking it.

Local LGBT+ groups are another awesome way to find community. Even if it’s just a monthly LGBT+ board game night, seeing other folks like you living meaningful lives will help you remember why you decided to show the world your true self.

Find someone who is flourishing while transitioning and emulate their actions. Discuss with them the problems you’re currently facing; chances are they’ve already overcome similar challenges. A lot of people are willing to help out those who come after them because they were helped by those who came before them. Having strong community support will help you succeed personally and professionally.

Transitioning while in the public eye can be stressful. Sharing your gender identity can feel risky, especially in public-facing professions. As you progress in your journey, you’ll learn what risks are worth taking and which actions are best left undone. However, you’ll also discover something wonderful: the more you embrace yourself and your new identity, the more you feel secure in your skin, the more you’ll thrive at work.

Maybe my mother was right. I was a late bloomer. But blooming late doesn't mean blooming less. Three years into my transition, I've discovered that the life I wanted was waiting on the other side of that leap.